Shit Guy Fieri Says

WE ARE NOT GUY FIERI. This is a parody account. Obviously.

Guy Fieri may perhaps be one of the most brilliant men currently walking the earth. Or, he might be dumber than a box of rocks. We're not sure yet.

Why the obsession with the "Kulinary Gangsta"? To start with, we're both from Santa Rosa, CA... In fact when I was still living in Santa Rosa, I got all my tattoos at Monkey Wrench tattoo, where Guy gets his work done. And how can you not dig a guy who bleaches a racing stripe in his beard...

We'd love some people to help us out with this. As much as I enjoy Triple-D, I do have a day job so unfortunately I can't dedicate all my time to watching and waiting for Guy to say something interesting. If you're interested in being a contributing author, please drop us a line and we'll holler back ASAP.

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enchanted-dystopia:

I bet it’s filled with hot pockets.

I WANT IT.

Yes yes yes yes yes,

Guy Fieri Eating Loudly

So, the other half of “shitguyfierisays” just informed me that I SHOULD have actually answered all the user submitted questions as Guy Fieri (which, again, WE’RE NOT). So… lemme give it a shot.

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Hi, Anonymous. It all depends on if my stylist and I are engaged in fisticuffs at the time. We have a tenuous relationship at best, which you’d know if you watched TMZ.

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I got drunk and wound up with this tattoo that reads “Kulinary Gangsta”, so I figured I should probably learn how to cook. As it turns out, some of the best things DO happen when you’re blackout drunk on Michelob Ultra!

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Wow… you manage to spell “authentic” correctly, but mangled just about everything else. I highly recommend you enroll in Guy Fieri’s University of Flavortown and get your learn on. There’s a strict dress code, however.

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Well…. funny you should ask… 

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I’ve heard there’s a pretty great place in Times Square. Just ignore the bad reviews. They just hate me cuz they ain’t me.

Uhm….. kinda surprised that we need to make this public announcement, but we’re not ACTUALLY Guy Fieri. We’re just fans. Unfortunately, not actually being Guy Fieri, we can’t answer some of the questions you guys ask us. But we’re happy that you’re interacting with us, and we promise to do better about reblogging your submissions.

"when you’re calling flavor town, this is the crunch ring back tone, listen to this."

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